The Date: From 6:30 to 9:30ish at an Irish pub in the East Village named after a saint of death or something. Strangely, a Very Cute Place. He picked the venue.

He got Stellas. Two. And told me that Stella is often called “wife-beater,” information that made me think of Bruce Willis. The tank-top he wears in Die Hard, the one that starts out white and ends up a black-brown-bloody color by the end. Wife-beater beer, I’d never heard of that before. Supposedly, it’s called that because of its crappy taste, but mostly because of its high alcohol content and propensity to make people (men) violent. So says my date.

Ok, he’s either a Zen Buddhist or Serial Killer. I can’t tell which. Thinking about it, that’s probably why serial killers are so successful. It’s hard to tell.

He was normal looking, you know, average. Average height, weight, brown hair, brown eyes – like the guy who lives next door. He seemed like a decent guy, I don’t know, I didn’t really notice him. Kept to himself. 

Anyway, he was decent looking and super mellow and attentive and talked a lot about Buddhism while drinking Stella and generally (increasingly) creeping me out over the course of the evening. So, you’ve got to help me out here.

Serial Killer or Zen Buddhist?

The variables:

+  <——————————————/—————————————— > –

He is nice looking

He is taller than me

He talks a lot

He doesn’t ask many questions
(about me for instance)

He pays for my drink (and refuses my money when I, of course, offer)
This happens without us having to talk about it a lot

We are able talk about all kinds of stuff

We seem to have a lot in common (unless he’s a serial killer, in which case we don’t)

He interrupts

He has opinions about things

He knows a lot about Scientology (and is not one)

He knows a lot about Buddhism (and is one)

He eats Vegetables

He reads

He watches Bill Moyers and the World Series and likes Walt Whitman

During the date I remember and reference a lot more information
about him than vice versa

He is serious

The jokes he did make were funny

He smiles at me several times during lulls in conversation
–and makes no effort to speak/pick up conversation

He walks really slowly

He kisses me on the cheek when I leave
– key point here: not sure if that’s where he means to kiss me

He indicates that he is interested
in going out again soon

He indicates that he is interested
in going out again soon

I have questions. Like: Do normal guys look down girls’ shirts throughout conversation and closely observe them as they get up from, and sit down at, the table (for instance if she’s going to get a drink or whatever)? I think this is kinda normal. But discreet is better – you don’t want your date to notice, right?

So what if I really notice? Like it’s noticeable. That’s normal, maybe? But it kinda makes me think he’s a serial killer. Especially considering the calm Zen factor.

It’s the
pauses.

The slow-
ness.

It feels like there’s data collection going on, but for some alternate purpose — one that requires a longer processing time than necessary for regular conversation. It starts to get creepy. Next thing I know I’ll be on a farm somewhere with a bunch of other women roaming about in a daze.

Six feet is not really that tall is it? It’s really only a little over eye-level. That’s okay though. That’s good.