She could leave.

One afternoon, sitting together in the living room, they had even playfully considered who would take what. “I will take the couch,” she said, “if we get a divorce,” by which she meant ‘if they split up’ because they were not actually married. “I will take the bed,” Mark said, because he was more intelligent or at least more practical.

I could leave. The thought entered her mind only to be brushed under by the next: But what about the rug? The room had finally been pulled together.

•••

The rug was supposed to connect the disparate pieces, and the truth was, while its addition wasn’t as life-changing as she’d imagined, things had improved. The old rocking chair, the new black-and-beige-speckled couch—and even the big puffy chair, orange with blue diamond shapes, the one that she’d inherited from Jake — they were all more united than before.

It felt good to sit on the speckled couch, sized perfectly for their small Brooklyn apartment; to stare across at empty off-white walls; the large, jagged black and cream diamonds of woven rug beneath her feet. She liked the sparseness, the muted tones, the contrasting patterns and textures, the quiet zigzags and stripes; each piece in the room its own character and contribution, completing the whole. So much had been thrown out or given away. The things that remained each had purpose. Fewer distractions, she thought. Calm, now, this room, which had felt so unsettled.

The apartment finally felt harmonious, but the truth was she still couldn’t seem to get herself together. She was immobilized, despite, and now perhaps because, of the rug. She knew this.

There remained an absence of desire. Hers. And also: His.

Or more precisely his seeming lack of desire. After all, she didn’t know what Mark actually felt. They hadn’t spoken to the counselor about it, or each other. And although she was committed to seeing it through, to counseling and what came of it, sometimes she wondered if talking was of any use at all.

•

What happened, when she brought it up, was: he would say I know and that is all he would say.